I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
