I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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