did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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