I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
