all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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