apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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