if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
