I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i think im in europe. pls send help
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
