Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize