Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
