Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
