Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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