no, he came in my armpit
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
