$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
