I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
