so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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