true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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