yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
