Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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