Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
