Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
