i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
