Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
