We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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