I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
