I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
