This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
please don't ironically join a cult
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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