her vagina looked like bernie madoff
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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