Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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