fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize