she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
