Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Someone signed my nipple.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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