whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
