Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
