We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
