Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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