Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
