my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
