just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
