so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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