Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
