I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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