you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
