He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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