Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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