yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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