My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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