it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
