he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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