his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
