Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
