Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
