but the lizard people decide everything anyway
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
