You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
