Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
