Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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