I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
