I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
