Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
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The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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