my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think a kid would responsible me up
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
