I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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