I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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