Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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