I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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