yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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