I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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